Warning: DO NOT get into the van with the blacked-out windows. I don't care how cool and sexy the boys in the emo band are and how much you want to make out with the lead singer you've been stalking. In reality, the guys in the emo band Low Shoulder are attempting to kiss the devil's butt by sacrificing a virgin (which, btw, you are so not) in the spooky woods beside Devil's Kettle in hopes the dark lord will make them rich and cool like Maroon 5. Just so ya know.
But should you find yourself the unwitting victim of a Satanic sacrifice by emo boys, you'll become a succubus, a demon who feasts on the flesh of poor, helpless high school boys. Boys are so easily led astray by their nether regions, and so make the perfect victims. The only way to kill your undead body is to drive a knife through your heart while you are hungry, having been thwarted from feeding on your bff's boyfriend.
All of this paranormal knowledge is gained by watching Jennifer's Body, the horror film penned by Diablo Cody, the brilliant writer of Juno. Don't listen to reviewers who are boys; they are simply miffed at being portrayed as vulnerable chunks of demon chow. (Boys, this is the way girls have felt while watching slasher films since the dawn of filmmaking.) If you like a little funny with your scary/grotesque, this is great stuff. The ending, in which Needy (Amanda Seyfried, the perky blonde star of Mamma Mia! and Dear John) gets revenge on the band who literally demonized her childhood friend (Megan Fox), is perfection.
Plus, it has great throwaway lines like, "Do you buy all your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're so butch!"
